Impressions, depressions and breaking

   I sometimes find I am broken in places I didn’t know about. Skin peeling off, or flesh turning purple, and I wonder ‘how did that happen’? What casual grazing tore at my skin? What thoughtless bump is leaving its mark? 

   It seems humans are so impressionable. 

   It reminds of me of this line from “Atonement” when Briorny, I think, realizes how easily breakable humans are. We think we are so invincible, racing through each day like Superman but without the kryptonite, when in fact we can tear, unravel, come undone so easily and quickly. And often do. 

   When I was in primary school, I remember one of my teachers telling us how to hold a pen propery. She showed us a depression on the side of her middle finger – the result of gripping a pen too tightly for years and years. I sometimes watch my fingers now, where the pen has been squeezing against it, and when I put the pen down the skin rises slowly back into place. But maybe it’s slower every time, until the final time when it won’t rise at all. Until all it can do is be pressed down and be made to stay flat. Stay deformed. 

   Despite our pretense at invincibility we are frighteningly malleable, impressionable, and breakable. 

   It terrifies me a little, to be honest. Here’s something even more terrifying, if it’s true: apparently, if we were to bite off our own fingers it would be no more difficult than biting off a chunk of a carrot. But our brains are wired in such a way that it seems hugely impossible. When I heard that I placed my finger in my mouth and thought “Surely not? Surely it couldn’t be so easy.” But it is. And we only fool ourselves into thinking that it isn’t. 

   Sincerely,
      Lady Disdain 

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5 thoughts on “Impressions, depressions and breaking

  1. Ohhh I feel ya. Some days I feel invincible and the next it's as if the tiniest bit of wind- whether physical or symbolic- sets me off, going helter skelter. But being able to say it out loud… it really helps. You're not alone, missy! Chin up, cheer up!

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  2. Yeah, it's amazing how it can fluctuate isn't it? It just seems co crazy and wonderful and frightening how easily destructible we are, and yet we seem to survive a lot, too.
    And thank you =)

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  3. It's true Lady Disdain, we are all fragile in many ways, but the human spirit can be unbreakable. Just look at how much we endure, yet we keep marching on.
    I haven't read Atonement, but after I watched that film, I thought about it for days afterwards. I have to read it someday.
    xoxo

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  4. @ Kate: Yup, books are great like that and I love them for it. They enrich life and yet help me escape it.

    @Naida: It is quite amazing to think about how much we endure. It's definitely inspirational, for sure. Atonement's one of those stories that take over your mind – a little too sad for me, but something about it intrigues me.
    Thanks for your comments, I love seeing them 🙂

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